Yesterday and today have been kind of tough. Anxiety is probably the best description for my emotions today. I’ve had some nagging thoughts that are trying to pop into my head. I have a PET scan in one week to make sure my carcinosarcoma is still gone. The trouble with this cancer is it has a high recurrence rate and sometimes you don’t feel any symptoms. I am ready to get this scan over with. I waver between thinking I feel fine so there’s no way my cancer is back and then start thinking I need to be prepared in case it is back. If it ever comes back I will fight it of course, but I also dread the idea of having to start treatments again.  

A part of me thinks I’m lacking in faith if I worry about this cancer returning. I don’t exactly have a great theological answer to that. I know God can cure me of cancer for good if he chooses to, but I also know sometimes he chooses to use us with our challenges instead. You might not have cancer, but you may have another debilitating illness such as chronic pain, lupus, MS, arthritis, or another physical illness that constantly weighs on you. You might have mental health challenges with depression, anxiety, or OCD and wish you could get out of bed without a struggle each day. You may be wondering why God hasn’t healed you. I obviously don’t have the answer.  I do know 1 Peter, chapter 5 tells us to “cast our anxiety on him”. So, for today, I’m not going to beat myself up over these worries.  I’m going to keep handing them back over to Jesus when worry comes up. I’m going to try to fix my thoughts on Jesus like it tells us to in Hebrews 3. It might take me 20 different times to reset my thoughts today, but I’m going to keep trying. I’ve also texted a few friends today asking them to pray for me and listened to praise music to help me focus on Jesus.  I think sometimes we feel like we should only ask for prayer in the emergencies, but God cares about the daily worries as well.